No Is Just Fine Standing Alone

    Saying No sometimes can be very difficult when dealing with the people in our lives. But you have to be fearless and courageous when it comes to standing your ground for whatever reason. If its something you are uncomfortable with, you have an obligation to yourself to speak your truth. Simply saying no I’m not going to be able to do that is sufficient You do not owe anyone an explanation.

“No is a complete sentence”-

Shonda Rhimes

            We sit and have long conversations with ourselves in our heads that goes like ” I say and they will think I’m mean”, ” If I say no, what will they think of me?” or maybe ” Oh God they are going to think I’m a horrible person if I say no”. Honestly, So the hell what! Who cares what people are saying about you! News Flash! People are going to talk whether you are doing go or bad so do you Boo!

      Searching our brains and coming up with a thousand reasons in our heads to defend our “niceness”. “Oh I’m not mean”, “I’m a good person” or Maybe even starting to consider “How bad could/would it be” doing that thing you know you really do not want to do. All of these things are stifling to our growth. Speaking your truth is being true to yourself. Not accepting things that are not comfortable or speaking up about how you feel takes bravery that we all are equipped with. And remember, “No Is Just Fine Standing Alone”-De’Yona Moore

No 8

GasLighting:

What The Heck Is It?

What the Heck is Gaslighting? Okay, let me try to fill you in….Here goes!!! 

Well, being in any relationship puts you at risk of being a victim of gaslighting. Our very own President uses it quite often. At one point, I had not even heard of the term but once I did, I was truly shocked at how much in my relationship with my ex-husband that it occurred. After educating myself on what gaslighting is, I vowed to educate others. If you would like to learn more, please take my free course to educate yourself! You just may pull the veil off that someone has so strategically put on over your eyes unknowingly to you!

Sounds pretty complex, does it not? No matter how difficult it may sound, trust me I will help you recognize the signs in this course. As I said before, Our very own POTUS, Mr. Trump uses gaslighting very often so trust and believe you have experienced it at some point in your life just unknowingly so. You know “fake news”! The hapless act of gaslighting happens every day in personal relationships, in the workplace, and used by politicians and public figures. It is sadly apart of our reality. I mean it can lead you to question your own sanity.

 Psychologists use the term “Gaslighting” to refer to a specific type of manipulation tactic where the manipulator is trying to get someone else (or a group of people) to question their own reality, memory, or perceptions. At first, the incidents and/or offenses may seem minor but over time things began to build and snowball into you doubting yourself in your everyday life. People have been driven to a full mental breakdown due to the deliberate and malicious acts of another person. The term actually comes from the 1944 movie “Gaslight,” starring Ingrid Bergman, who, in a spooky “everything is connected” moment, won a Golden Globe for her role. In “Gaslight,” Bergman plays a wife, Paula, whose reality is slowly being undermined by her supposedly devoted husband Gregory. His nefarious goal is to have her institutionalized so he can gain access to her fortune.

The title comes from Gregory’s habit of secretly digging through the attic for her hidden jewels. When he creeps upstairs and turns on the lights in the attic, the rest of the lights in the house dim accordingly, making Paula suspicious. But when she asks him about the dimming lights, he acts like she’s crazy. She must be imagining things; they’re just as bright as always. “Why don’t you rest a while,” Gregory suggests. “You know you haven’t been well.”

YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!

In some ways, the movie is dead on. The mind games Gregory plays are diabolical: He tells her friends she’s unstable. He isolates her from her family. He disguises cutting invalidation as statements of concern. He hides her belongings, then questions her sanity when she can’t find them. In short, he messes not only with her but with the people and objects around her to alter her reality and make her think she’s losing it. 

Abuse-related gaslighting
Not every instance of gaslighting is as blatant as hiding items or directly denying someone’s perceptions. Most abuse includes an element of gaslighting. Abusers rarely say out loud, “I’m choosing to abuse you.”

  • A physically abusive spouse says, “I’m doing this for your own good. You shouldn’t provoke me.” In truth, victims are not to blame.
  • A sexually abusive parent says, “This isn’t happening. I love you. You like it. It doesn’t hurt.” In truth, abuse is not loving behavior. Children do not ask for assault. The pain is real.
  • A ritually abusive group stages abuse so bizarrely and extreme that victims do not believe their own memories. Real bloodshed and torture are combined with drugs and misdirection, adding to the sense of unreality.

Everyday gaslighting
Gaslighting occurs in more subtle ways as well, any time someone responds as if your reality does not exist.

  • An adult says to a crying child, “There’s no reason to be sad. Give us a nice smile.”
  • A partner says, “That’s too hard for you. I’ll do it.”
  • A friend snaps, “I’m not angry! Why are you starting a fight?”
  • A narcissist reacts with so much contempt when you assert any needs that you feel like the selfish one.
  • After being called on a racist or sexist comment, the speaker says, “Just kidding!” or “You’re too sensitive!” or “You’re looking for reasons to be offended.”

 Although the harm is aimed at you, I do not believe that all people who exhibit this behavior, are out to hurt anyone. No, it’s more of a selfish act to me. It’s not hurting anyone it is about their own needs being met more than anything. 

I have taken the time to research and learn all that I can on Gaslighting and many other topics that are intended to help people maneuver through life and their problems. I’ve created Love Your First Academy and am offering my first course for free! Please Check it out Below! https://coursecraft.net/courses/z9WjM

Hate is NOT the Opposite of Love

Fear: Friend or Foe

   Love, the word, in my opinion, is one of the most powerful words spoken in all languages. When I think of the word love and I began to examine it, I had the most profound thought. For years I believed that the opposite of Love was hate and I’m sure there are others who like me believe the same. I mean it seemed obvious to me now how we came to this conclusion but I honestly believe we are wrong for thinking this. With all that I have learned and experienced in my life, I now believe that FEAR is the opposite of Love. Why you say? Well, fear has caused people to do really hateful or impulsive things that resulted in catastrophic endings. Look at the news today and the world we live in. So many people are killed or injured out of fear. Now there are other contributing factors like ignorance which can really cause a situation to become explosive and all unnecessarily. 

   Fear keeps us bound. Keeps us low and anchored down.

      A certain amount of fear is good sometimes though. It’s like an audit. It helps us to double check things that occur in our lives. Fear makes us cautious and careful in some instances. But at some point, that fear becomes bigger than life due to the stories you tell yourself in our minds. The once-cautious looking crossing guard has now turned into a full-fledged prison with a Warden! You are now a prisoner within your own head. Trapped by the stories you feed yourself daily. Now you are frozen with fear in areas that are vital to our thriving positively in the world. 

You have to realize that you are bigger than all of your fears. We have been given free will. Free will gives us freedom! Freedom to choose to be a prisoner or not. Face your fears or let it consume you. You can choose to use fear as a stepping stone. A stepping stone to the next level. Your greatest breakthrough is hidden behind your biggest fears.  Finding the courage and strength to push through can be difficult and scary but take a deep breath as you tell yourself You Got This!

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